Does it really end here?!! It just seemed like yesterday...I still remember his first smile at me, her first 'Hi, where are you from', the first meal in the canteen, the moment I'd entered the TT room, the first skip of the heartbeat when I saw him, the first drink, the first party....and yesterday was our last party. Only yesterday did the feeling of parting finally sink in. My college life has, indeed,come to an end.
And it ends with a sense of heaviness weighing down upon me. Not because, the group remains no more, not because I won't get to sit in the pentagon again, not because I'm going to miss the people I met here, no, but because, many things I left unsaid, many things I left unheard. What will haunt me forever is the rightness of my decision, the choice between enduring the everlasting regret of 'what could've been' vs the repentance at the outcome of having said the unsaid. I wish I could've left college with just the nostalgic memories, the moments that I would cherish for a lifetime, but leave it instead with a sense of incompleteness. I wish it hadn't been so, but regret shall remain always. Ain't it such a paradox: Always had my way around with words, and conveying myself....Words failed me, when I needed them the most.
And it ends with a sense of heaviness weighing down upon me. Not because, the group remains no more, not because I won't get to sit in the pentagon again, not because I'm going to miss the people I met here, no, but because, many things I left unsaid, many things I left unheard. What will haunt me forever is the rightness of my decision, the choice between enduring the everlasting regret of 'what could've been' vs the repentance at the outcome of having said the unsaid. I wish I could've left college with just the nostalgic memories, the moments that I would cherish for a lifetime, but leave it instead with a sense of incompleteness. I wish it hadn't been so, but regret shall remain always. Ain't it such a paradox: Always had my way around with words, and conveying myself....Words failed me, when I needed them the most.
Awww..Nostalgic and emotional times indeed. :-)
ReplyDeleteBut never regret any decisions/choices you made, words spoken/not spoken..cos back then it was exactly what you had wanted to do at that very moment..and if you feel some of them were not right in hindsight..still no need to feel bad..forgiving oneself is also very essential :)