....and finally, I was speechless

Does it really end here?!! It just seemed like yesterday...I still remember his first smile at me, her first 'Hi, where are you from', the first meal in the canteen, the moment I'd entered the TT room, the first skip of the heartbeat when I saw him, the first drink, the first party....and yesterday was our last party. Only yesterday did the feeling of parting finally sink in. My college life has, indeed,come to an end.

And it ends with a sense of heaviness weighing down upon me. Not because, the group remains no more, not because I won't get to sit in the pentagon again, not because I'm going to miss the people I met here, no, but because, many things I left unsaid, many things I left unheard. What will haunt me forever is the rightness of my decision, the choice between enduring the everlasting regret of  'what could've been' vs the repentance at the outcome of having said the unsaid. I wish I could've left college with just the nostalgic memories, the moments that I would cherish for a lifetime, but leave it instead with a sense of incompleteness. I wish it hadn't been so, but regret shall remain always. Ain't it such a paradox: Always had my way around with words, and conveying myself....Words failed me, when I needed them the most.

Flashback 2010

L-E-G-E-N-D-A-R-Y is how I'd define it..Euphoric is how I feel now! 10 months and 13 days back, I'd decimated my dearest friend, my HP Ipaq phone, in the cursed waters of Juhu Beach. 3 years & loads of cussing, I still held that phone close to my heart. I won't discount HP for having made such a phone, since owning it had been nothing less than a roller coaster ride, but who likes perfections! Somehow, it felt a material loss no more, it felt as if all the good luck had been sucked out of me. I'll risk sounding melodramatic today(and you guys got to cut me some slack too), but the days that followed were the darkest of my life, personal & work both. And just a day back, continuing with the slew of bad luck that my Ipaq had left me behind with, I'd felt another part of me break away, when the messages on my new phone had been deleted mistakedly, in my state of stupor. Today, I see my phone back in its old glory, and it seemed to shimmer as brightly as Alladin's Magic Lamp. The two dreadful months in Mumbai flashed before my eyes, and suddenly I felt everything had fallen back into place- CLICK..perfect fit! Is it sheer coincidence that I gained all my old memories back, in return for the new??!! And just two days before my college ends..when, the heavy feeling of nostalgia had finally begun to seep in...I'd like to believe that I've gotten another chance to relive the past 10 months and 13 days, and this time, I LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST. I see this line from one of my favourite songs in new perspective today,

"I tried so hard and got so far...in the end, it doesn't even matter"

p.s.: ....Parents truly to the rescue. I owe it all to my dad, the smooth operator, who gave me back my heart, & a  new start. I take the hint dad..I do. Thanks.

Fizz, Time and all...

I just posted the most pathetic status message on my gmail. I was talking about fizz in a bottle & learning lessons of life from it..

Lets rewind a bit: It sounded indisputably perfect in my head when the idea had first struck me. Nothing could possibly explain my predicament better!! Really, isn't our life like a bottle, with a lot of fizz, always ready to gush out, but we tend to keep the lid screwed and eventually all there remains, after some time, is the 'tamed' cola? 

Moments later, the second I had pressed the doomed 'enter' key, I could almost hear the burst of laughter in my head....suddenly, my mind seemed to have pulled a fast one on me-'gotcha girl', it seemed to be saying. Lets think for a while though (or am I asking for too much?), did I really end up just making myself the laughing stock of my gmail friend network..or I did wriggle out some lesson indeed: about time playing games with our ideas & thoughts. About time having played both a saviour and a sinner. About time being the only independant variable in my life (forgive me for the after effects of too much Market Research). About how one brilliant idea, one unbridled thought seems excruciatingly ridiculous the very next moment. About how we give in to our impulses, only to repent the actions later. About how we can have a laugh later, though at that time,the very idea of enjoying a laugh might've seemed foolish (time at play, again!!). Despite it all, I wish I could hold time still, for once, so that all my thoughts would appear sane, perfect, so that I could take in the best moments before they passed, so that I could delay the change a little longer. But that would be asking for too much, because it ain't utopia, after all. People say, its good life ain't utopia...because too much perfection may just be intolerable, we do need our dose of bad, so that we can always treasure the good. As much as I want to believe it, I leave it to Time to help me decide, and probably 20 years down the line, I will be able to appreciate the true meaning of what people say all the time!

Cry of the Wild

Life's a bulldog, no matter how much you love or like it, it always comes & bites you in the backside. Period. Anger is considered one of the 7 deadly sins, but such a lifesaver. After all, how many times the poor emotion's been blamed for despicable things that are said, and apologised for, later. Period. How can people who understand each other so much, afford to say things that pierce one's heart so ruthlessly, it nearly makes not knowing that person the worthwhile choice. A wise friend once said to me: It's never the issues, it's the people, who are more important. And that is where the basic folly lies. Period. Ego....I wish I had a chocolate for every time some one told me I was an ego(t)ist, I would have given Cadbury's a run for its money, by now..Give your Ego a little thought and you will realise, how it has been a blessing in disguise. Egos are supposed to hold on rein, the unrestricted animal desires of human beings. It is supposed to be the sensible part of the brain, and mine works rightly so. Innumerable times I've thought of shedding my ego and making a bold move, but my ego held me back..and thank goodness it did. Musings of the day, for me. PERIOD. 

Like boys, like girls!!

Bro Code Article One: Bros before hoes...I've always been of the school of thought that says, guys are better friends than two girls can ever be, and always stand through thick or thin with their guypals, when girls turn up against each other, even when they are friends, let alone when they are fighting..

My firm belief ,though, has been crumbling slowly, against slimy moss that has been creeping up the wood slowly. Maybe, am not the best person to pass a sermon on true friendship, but I have tried in my best possible manner to always respect the rules of friendship. And it boils my blood when I see one bro easily cave in to badmouthing his bro, before a girl..Also, aren't friends supposed to be each others' pillars of strength?

Aren't they supposed to stand up for their pals before others, no matter how much ever they scream or scold the pal otherwise, for being a whimp? What if these very friends cut a pitiable figure of you before others, instead?

Call me an extremist, but my advice: Junk such despicable bros, if a 'ho' turns up. Such bros needn't be revered when they're being insufferable jerks and butting their noses into unwanted places. Better still, give an earful to such a bro, in your own coy way, because such guys can never be friends, they only 'make hay while sun shines'. 

And come on, a 'ho' can be a 'bro' too. There do exist girls who don't get jealous at the slightest hint, who can enjoy cricket with you, eat as voraciously as you do, can give many a guy a run for his money when it comes to guzzling down beers, not mind your drool when a hot girl passes by, and can share a laugh with you about the 'tharkiest' joke! A 'bro' you can risk kissing, and still feel good about, later (wink!!)

Multiple faces....

Am not a typical girl..infact, quite the opposite..I've always found sports, baggy denims, sneakers, whistling, hooting, liberal use of expletives more alluring than make-up, teddies, body hugging clothes, gossip, or accessories. So yes, flowers don't quite go with my liking..neither does the colour pink.I have always considered giving something that can be used more than as a simple showpiece on a birthday is better than a trip to Archies gallery & picking one of those rosy, pukingly embellished slates, that, in highest probability, will be passed on as a gift to someone else by the one whom you'd given it to in the first place, or find its place in the dumpster, after years of adorning the mantel. Also, I don't like cakes, as a matter of fact, I had never bitten a bite off my own birthday cake, until recently.

Ohkkaayyy....so, you are thinking, WHAT IS THE POINT...we already know it all...& frankly, if we did not, we wouldn't have been reading this blog in the first place, after all..Duhh....

Well, what you don't know is(or lets just say, hypothetically), just because I do not like flowers or cakes, or pink somethings, doesn't mean I don't like to be surprised by such things occasionally. Ofcourse, you'd be standing on the edge of a cliff, if I were to get such things regularly..but one birthday out of twenty four, I can be adjusting..it's more about the surprise element. 

This brings me to the point that once in a blue moon, doing what you've always wanted to, to please your friend rather than what he/she wants or usually likes can also work wonders..rather, it just might be essential to break the monotony. There are many different sides to the face you see and only experimentation can reveal those new facets & lend a new depth to the friendship..that is why, in most instances, people who've known you the longest know you the most, since they've experimented. 

P.S.: And yes, a brat can cook in the kitchen, a practical individual can fall insanely in love, and an extrovert can be a recluse too...