Diary of the 'deleted'

Oh yes..I am smart. Smart enough to know Google has answers to everything & I cared enough to google it this time- How to know if someone deletes you. And for the kid you think I am, deleting someone you proclaimed to have been so tight with, is sure mature! This might be an outburst of a kid, but who said kids aren't right. And yes, I FIGHT; fight for when it hurts me, fight when I can't tolerate wrong, even fight for You. Am sure that last bit must've easily skipped your mind. My temper is in my genes, & you don't deserve me if you can't see through it. My ego is my shield, & you don't break it, if you are not important. I cared enough to venture forth with you, and have the balls to face you everytime. And I still won't delete you, because now, I want to be stalker you never had!! *muahhhahahahahhh*

The curse of Goa

So what if I had dreamt of this long weekend since the start of the year & had an obvious choice for my getaway. The subset of people I wanted to go with was also decided, less one or two. So what if they had other things on their mind? People kept changing, the weekend drew nearer, with the only constant, THE GOA. Then it all came crashing down, with an innocent peek at their planning. And yes...someone wanted to surprise me there, so what IF I WAS THERE OR NOT!!! I did end up being surprised, in either case. Ek invite toh banta tha, but  A nonchalant shrug, A bickering later, we were past it. Or so I thought. I ended up packing my bags to Delhi, mere coincidence that it was HE only who got me through, or was he sealing his fate with me?? Someone had once told me- I am a bubble that goes boom at a prick of a pin. And I did blow up, in words of his, AGAIN. So after much tears, much hurt, and much longing...Life moves on. An unfinished affair to deal with, but it never stops to amaze me, how I end up being in the midst of this all.

Musing of the day- Mention Goa & my relationships go berserk. So, what is Goa- just an innocent   convicted, or the bitch who creeps up behind my back, on my close ones? And if I know this, and still let it happen, does that make me a fool?

I Wish....

It is said live life in a way, when you look back you have no regrets. As on 01.07.12, whenever I look back, scales tip towards the latter , almost touching the bottom!! & here I begin....retrospecting.

I wish I would've eaten my books up during the two most overrated  years of school life that make or break a kid's future, just to keep the bastards that scorn at my scores, shut.

I wish I were fair, in a nation of colour obsessed people, such that I could make men fall at the drop of a hat.

I wish I were more polite to my Momdad, who have many a times tested my patience, but have bore me for a good long 25 years, beating my score hands down!

I wish I had him now, than at the frivolous age when crushes happen at the blink of an eye, because seeing him now with another one 'like me in many ways' kills me.

I wish I did not have a flaring temper, which has made me many a people's bitch.


I wish I hadn't done my PG, which would've given me the luxury of  knowing a handful less bastards.

I wish my nerve would've failed me those sleepless nights where I carved a hell for myself & betrayed Their trust.

I wish....I wasn't that addicted to sleep, because I wanted  to pen down more regrets but just can't keep my lids up anymore.....